If I were totally honest........

If I were totally honest, I’d face the reality that I have been searching for what I cannot and will not ever find.

Oh, I know this is true in my life and has been for a number of years. But, I keep living outside the reality of this fact as I continue to search for what I cannot and will not ever find.

If I were totally honest, I’d embrace that reality and I’d cease and desist searching for what I cannot and will not ever find.

Yes, it is true that I have lived here and there for a few weeks, even a few months at a time in the reality that I cannot find it. But, then I grow weary in the process and again start searching.

Searching and, yet again, NOT finding.

I am searching for the magic supplement, the magic pill, the magic trick that will cause the weight to just roll off my body. It’s not out there. There is no magic. I know this. Yet, I seem to keep searching for it.

Oh, I haven’t tried every “if you do this, you’ll lose 25 pounds overnight” gimmick out there. In fact, in reality, I’ve tried very few, if any, of those gimmicks with those outlandish, grandiose claims.

But, I have tried my fare share of natural supplements which promise to enhance weight loss. I have tried my fare share of “lose weight faster by drinking ½ cup of grapefruit juice 30 minutes before each meal” to rev up your metabolism. I have tried my fare share of “don’t eat anything after such-and-such time” to speed up weight loss. I have my fare share of “don’t eat any of this colored food” to ensure weight loss.

Do these things work? Possibly. But most of them are things that you can’t really do for the rest of your life. And, they do not work “alone.”

Sure, I could drink grapefruit juice for the rest of my life………….well, actually, that example doesn’t work because I can’t drink that much grapefruit juice each day without my mouth painfully breaking out. So, let’s try another one…….

Sure, I could eat nothing after 5 PM for the rest of my life. That one seems easy enough. No, wait. What if I’m invited to cookouts, parties, dinner at a friend’s home, dinner out with friends after work? I currently don’t even get home until after 5 PM, so I’ll have to eat supper on the way home or before I leave the office. Oops, eating supper on the way home is partially how I got to the weight of 408. Well, eating nothing at 5 PM clearly won’t work for the rest of my life.

Okay, If I’m going to live in the reality that I cannot and will not find what I am searching for, what choice to I have? Is my only choice to remain in this dreadfully overweight body?

Well, actually, NO that is not my only choice. I can choose to live in the reality that my search is over. I am not going to find anything magical to shed the extra pounds.

I must fully embrace with my BRAIN the reality that I cannot and will not find what I am searching for. I must fully embrace with my BRAIN the reality that I can shed these extra pounds. I am not destined to live at this weight for the rest of my life.

There is a song out right now that has the words in it, “I love you more than the words of my brain can express.” This song is talking about the love relationship that the musician has with God. (You can hear the song and see the lyrics here: HoldMe.) But, I digress………..

I have the tools and I know what to do. I just have to get my brain into gear and do what I know to do. I have to quit searching (for the magic) and start doing (what I know to do). I have to quit hoping (that I can do this.) and start knowing (that I CAN do this!).

Quit searching.................start doing.
Quit hoping................start knowing.

So, today, July 10, 2011, 4:30 AM, I, Cynthia, am going to quit searching and start doing. I, Cynthia, am going to quit hoping and start knowing. Yep, that’s my choice……………

Okay, first, I'm going to choose to go to sleep.