Weight Watchers, Crossroads, & LIFE

I will always be a avid supporter of the Weight Watchers program as I truly believe it is one of the best organized plans to not only enable  one to lose weight, but give that person the tools to keep the weight off.

If you work the program, the program works.......always and forever!!

I am finding myself, yet again, at a crossroads.  A decision must be made.

I have said that I will not give up until I reach goal. I keep saying that I have not given up.  That I have not quit.  Yet.............my actions and weekly weigh-ins don't "say" the same thing.


Being fat is not easy.  This is a fact.

My co-morbid obese life is hard physically because I can't walk and or stand for any length of time without excruciating, tear causing, pain.  Yes, I have walked to my van many times with literal tears rolling down my cheeks from the pain.

My co-morbid obese life is hard emotionally because I can't do things that I would love to do.  I hear friends planning fun stuff to do and know that I can't include myself and it makes me sad.....and lonely.

Losing weight is not easy.  This, too, is a fact.

I have been on this journey since December 2009.  Except for several weeks the first of 2011, I have only missed classed when I was out-of-town or sick. Yet, my total lost as of yesterday is 30 pounds.

Statistically that's not good, not good at all.

I did pretty good my first year and lost 69.2 pounds..............then several big things changed in my life and I allowed those changes to side-track, actually derail me. Consequently, I gained back all except 15.2 of those pounds as of April of 2012. Since April, I have stopped the weekly gains and am now back up to 30 pounds lost from my original weight in December 2009.

Over the last six months, there are more blue numbers (losses) than red numbers (gains) on my weight loss chart.

What do I need to do to start having mostly blue numbers?

The answer is easy............easy on paper, that is. I need to plan and prepare. I need to plan my meals and cook ahead so that I have weight loss friendly meals prepared for lunch and those evenings when I get home late.

But even that doesn't always work.

Specifically, yesterday, I was coming home from a visit to Mom's and I got to thinking about pumpkin spice donuts from Krispy Kreme. So, I drove probably about 10 miles out of the way to go by Krispy Kreme.

Oh, I had the daily and weekly PPVs available for a donut, even two.  But, problem is, I didn't buy just two. I bought more than that determined to enjoy them through the coming week.

I should know by now that I cannot trust myself and that plan, so far, never works.

I went to bed last night feeling absolutely sick and totally disgusted with myself.

It won't do any good to beat myself up about it today. What's done, is done. Can't change yesterday.....but I can change tomorrow.

If I don't get serious about changing my eating and activity habits, at my next doctor's visit I will probably be put on meds for diabetes.  My numbers had been right on the border for a while, then I lost the 69.2 pounds and they looked better. With the regain, my numbers are back on that border again.

I don't want to be on meds for diabetes.........yet, my actions do give that impression.

So, I have a choice to make. This is not just so that I will look better, or walk better, or stand longer, or go places with friends......this is for my health.

Okay, Cynthia, what's your choice? Where will you choose to go from here?

"Four weeks in a row." AND "It really is a mind game."

I have lost weight four weeks in a row now. It’s been a long time since I have done this. I plan to do my part to ensure that this trend continues.

I credit tracking to my success with losing.  Tracking seems to work best for me when I can track on the computer.  Just being able to track on my smartphone didn’t work as well for me.  Since the introduction of the PointsPlus® program, I haven’t had a way to track on my computer.

As of the end of April, I now have a WW monthly pass which includes an eTools subscription.  I am LOVING tracking with eTools.  I do most of my tracking on my computer and edit/add things with my phone throughout the day.

I also credit something else that I am trying to do when I am craving something that isn’t the best choice for my weight loss journey.

As we know, this journey is as much of a determination in our mind about our choices as it is eating the proper food (choices and portions) and activity/exercise.  For me, it is also about choosing NOT to eat something that will trigger wanting more and more.

So, I have been working on the “mind” portion of my journey by asking myself the following when I am craving something that isn’t the best choice for my weight loss journey.

Cynthia, IF you feed that craving now.............

►Will you be glad or sad tomorrow that you ate it?

►Will you remember tomorrow what it tasted like??

►Will you enjoy it now, really enjoy it??

►Will you still be enjoying it tomorrow??

►How about when you step on those scales next, will you have truly enjoyed it??

OR OR OR OR OR

Cynthia, IF you choose NOT to feed that craving……….

►Will you be glad or sad tomorrow that you did NOT feed it?

►Will you regret tomorrow that you did NOT feed it??

►Will you enjoy it not having fed it tomorrow??

►Will you enjoying your victory over food tomorrow??

►How about when you step on those scales next, how will you feel when you know you did your best??

Cynthia, you really are stronger than the food!!!!!

And, Cynthia, you really do NOT want the results of eating off program........

I am feeling so much better since the scales are going down again.  I am determined that I will not quit this journey until I am free from the limits of this weight.

I experienced the joy of easier mobility when I had lost almost 70 pounds.  I LIKED it and I want that easier mobility back.

And, you know what???  I want more and more mobility so that I can go places and do things.

Yep, I’ve lost four weeks in a row and I am guarding my mind so that I can continue losing and doing everything I know to do to add to that trend.

It always pays to look at the "big picture!"

This blog entry will be short and sweet.

It is no secret that I've been discouraged at my last three weigh-ins.  I can easily tell others to be PROUD of any loss, but telling myself that isn't so easy.

 

Soooooooooo, I decided to look over my stats for the past couple of months since I “snuck” myself back on program and just before I signed up for etools.  Here is what I learned...........

Since April 14, I have:

• Lost something five of those eight weeks
• Gained two of the weeks
• Missed class one week due to being out of town with work
• Lost something the last three weeks
• And, finally, but certainly not least, lost 10.4 pounds

Obviously I'd like it to be falling off faster, but losing 10.4 pounds the last couple of months is so much better than I have done the previous 15 months.

So, tonight (well early this morning) and I go back to sleep, I am encouraged just a bit.  At least, I'm going to CHOOSE to be encouraged!!!

I will pick myself up and DO THIS THING!!!!!

‘Twas the Night Before Weigh-in……….The Choice is Still Mine!!

I wrote this poem in November of 2010. I pulled it back out tonight because some of these same thoughts were going through my head. A few things are different from what is stated below, but the scale--bless its heart--still has power to hold and bind me.

‘Twas the Night Before Weigh-in……….The Choice is Still Mine!!
© CynthiaO, November 2010

‘Twas the night before weigh-in, when all thru my mind,
Why, oh why do the scales hold and bind
My mood, my motivation, my determination and my joy
Week after week, tend to be their main toy.

I’ve done what I could this week,
I stayed strong and did not freak!
No potato chips, no cake, not even ice cream I’ve enjoyed,
There were days I wanted all, but resistance I employed!

YES! I resisted the temptations! I kept a strong head!
I will not fret over tomorrow’s weigh-in results, I’ll climb into bed.
Then into my mind, these thoughts come with a roar
I repeated again and again all my great accomplishments galore!

I will work hard through my mind’s mire and muck!
I will NOT be discouraged, though the scales seem stuck
I quieted my thoughts and snuggled down to sleep,
And forced my mind to think of anything but sweets.

My mood on the brink of the report of the scales,
Gives thoughts of rejoicing or weeping the details.
Did I lose, did I gain,
did I at least maintain?

I’ve eaten well and exercised, even if the scales don’t downward budge.
I’ve had a good week, the scales are not my judge!
Why oh why do the weigh-in results hold such power;
Over my mood, over my week, I will not resort to cower!

My victories are great, I begin to repeat—
No more BP meds, no more walking stick, moved up the car seat,
Smaller sizes in pants, shirts, swimsuits and more
Won’t give those details, don’t want to be a bore.

I love the night before weigh-in, as I think back over my week;
I’ve fought a good fight, my PointPlus® were kept meek.
Again, I repeat, THE SCALES ARE NOT MY JUDGE!!
I will face a new week and with my POINTS® will not fudge!

Those who know me best, have verified
My life has changed. That fact cannot be denied.
From inactivity and fast food, I’m completely refraining;
Healthy eating and exercising choices I’m sustaining;
As the weeks are passing, my life I am regaining.

So on the nights before weigh-in, as off to sleep I drift;
I think of Weight Watchers® and my new life as a gift.
Dear friend, don’t give up, don’t ever back down;
The choice, after all, is ours and a healthy life is the crown.

Today--June 8, 2012
Some details are not quite like they were when I originally wrote this poem. One detail that must be SHOUTED is that I haven't given up and I will not give up!!! After all, as my buddy Jill says often, I cannot fail if I do not quit!!!

For life................not just to lose.

Okkkkkkkkk…………I am up way too late and I’ll “pay” for it tomorrow. Uuuggghhh!!!! But, this is important. So, I’m going to take time to blog this quickly while it is fresh on my mind.

In an effort to encourage me after my frustrating few weeks at WI, one of my WW boardie buddies just posted this statement on my wall: “I finally realized that I am doing this for life…not just to lose.”

Okkkkkkkkkkkkk, I know that in order for the weight loss to be maintained, I have to make lifestyle changes. Weight Watchers is a lifestyle, NOT a diet. But to reverse the thinking--this just MAY be what I need to focus on for now.

My focus has been to lose weight. Well, duh!! That’s why I’m here and obviously that is important. However, if I focus on making these changes, specifically following the WW program for life, then the weight loss will happen. And, if I follow the WW program day after day, then I will have a successful week. If I focus on weight loss, then I will have weeks where I feel unsuccessful based on the results at WI.

So, I’m going to repeat to myself over and over these next few days that I’m doing this (staying on program and tracking) for life. And, actually “for life” can be defined as getting my life (mobility) back, becoming healthy, length of days, etc.

I’m choosing to speak to myself these words: I’m doing this for life!!

What's good for the them is.............

I wrote the first part of this on May 26...........but never posted it.

Okkkkkkkkkk............I'll admit it. When someone else loses 1.4 pounds, I am all over it, congratulating them, cheering them on. BUT, when I lose 1.4 pounds, it is "only 1.4" and, yes, I am extremely disappointed. What's worth celebrating for "them" doesn't feel so good when it's me.

YES, I have been inside my head all day long bantering back and forth trying to be okay with this loss. I wasn't at class last week, so it's been two weeks since I weighed in and at my last WI, I gained 1.4.

Some background information is that I have been completely tracking and staying within my PPVs (daily and some weeklies) since April 29 when I first had access to etools. Prior to that time, I was tracking in my head and we all know how that works--it doesn't.

I know, I know..............a loss is a loss. A loss is a good thing.

Sooooooooooo, what now?? I do what I've been doing and head back to class next Saturday morning and the next and the next and the next...............I will NOT quit until I reach goal!!!!

And, now on June 3rd, I update this to say that I did keep doing what I'd been doing and went back to class on Saturday and lost. I lost .4 of a pound. Disappointing, to say the least.

How did I respond this week? Not quite as good as last week. I left my WW class and drove through Bojangle's. (Why did they have to build one of so close to my house???) UUGGGHHHHH!!!!! Made me sick as a dog, which, I guess, is a good thing. Bleck!!!!

Then, as I realized the frame of mind I was in and that I could not trust myself, I decided that the best thing to do was to quarantine myself to my home. I needed to run a couple of errands, but I realized that the better thing to do at this point was to protect myself from myself, so I grounded myself. I had plenty of PointsPlus friendly food at home, so I would be fine. The only thing I didn't get in today was my dairy servings since I'm out of milk. It wasn't the best nutritionally balanced day, but I stayed within my daily PPVs.

So, yet again, the question is: What now?? I do what I've been doing and head back to class next Saturday morning and the next and the next and the next...............I will NOT quit until I reach goal!!!!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ Happy Birthday to me♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Happy Birthday to me♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Happy Birthday ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Dear MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!♥ ♥ ♥ Happy ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Birthday ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ to ME!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪...♥

Well, although I've had a really nice birthday week, ending with a delightful birthDAY full of some nice surprises, I didn't get what I wanted for my birthday from me.

Although I ate out four meals this past week (most of which were free and one was $5 as my birthday gift from those places), I stayed within my daily and weekly PointsPlus values (PPVs). And, none of the PPVs were eaten as cake, cupcakes, or milkshakes. However, because of eating higher PPV foods, I didn't get in enough of the zero PPV fruits and veggies. I made good choices at each of the restaurants where I ate.

AND, I made the excellent choice of NOT taking advantage of the postcard from a cupcake bakery for a free birthday cupcake. YES, I could used PPVs and enjoyed it......................however, the last time I did this, it started an ugly slide down the gaining path. So, I CHOOSE not to go get my "free" cupcake since, in reality, it would have been only financially free. It definitely would NOT have been nutritionally free.

I had really hoped for several pounds to be gone at my WI this morning. Yes, I was disappointed, but you cannot eat out four evenings and not expect it to mess with your body. As I mentioned above, I stayed within my daily PPVs and weekly PPVs. But, I didn't get all of my daily GHGs--especially enough fruits and veggies. And, I'm sure I had more sodium than I typically eat. I had a gain of 1.4.

This week will be better!!! Back to eating out of my own pot and making sure I get all my daily GHGs!

So, for my birthday day: My sister and I had a nice lunch at a locally owned place where my Mom lives (Mom isn't able to get out anymore, so that's why she wasn't with us). We left lunch and went for a visit with Mom. Where she lives has a ladies tea party each year on Saturday before Mother's Day. They request that you wear hats to this. It was a fun day. The refreshments were just store bought mints and those daisy-shaped cookies with the hole in the middle. So, no temptation there.

Then my sister and I went sandal shopping for me at a shoe store in downtown. I need wide shoes and we knew that we probably should find a good supply of wide shoes there. JACKPOT!!! I was able to get two pair of SAS sandals that were 1/2 off plus they gave me a $15 off coupon, and a pair of Easy Spirits that were $10 off. So I got three pair of shoes for just a few dollars more than the ONE pair of SAS shoes I had purchased a couple of weeks ago but taken back.

I'll probably start checking there for shoes. LOTS of wides, double wides, and triple wides. They definitely order a large supply of wide shoes!!! (●̮̮̃•̃)

Then when we got back in the car, my sister asked if I wanted to go get BBQ. WOW, she doesn't enjoy BBQ like the rest of us, in fact, it typically makes her sick. But because it was my birthday, she said, "let's go."

It has been fun reading through all the Facebook greetings and I got several cards in the mail. It was a delightful day, full of nice surprises.

It feels SO GOOD to be back on track!!!
It feels SO GOOD to be making GOOD CHOICES!!

Learned something about myself this weekend.

Peer pressure still “hits” at my age. AND, it can be a good thing!!!

I was shopping at Sam’s after my WW class this morning. I had my scooter filled with rotisserie chickens, potatoes for baking, fresh fruits and veggies (broccoli, carrots, snow peas, sweet potato strips for roasting, blackberries, bananas, oranges), and a couple of non-food items when a lady “bumped” into my scooter.

I felt the bump and heard “excuse me, ma’am.” Turned around, and there stood one of my WW class buddies. She was grinning from ear to ear. We chatted a bit and she and her hubby went one direction and I went another.

Then it happened………………………..

First, I smelled them.

Then, I saw them.

OH MY!!!! YUM YUMMY!!!!!!!

They were offering free sample tastes and enticing you to purchase by offering a great price of two boxes under $7. That would equal out to less than 60 cents for each muffin.

Okay……….I’m not talking about the Otis Spunkmeyer muffins. While those are good (sometimes dry and old tasting to me) and are around 420 calories each (for the flavors I like), these are sooooooooooo much better than those. These are the Artisan Fresh Take 2 Muffins. That means you get a total of 12 muffins (6 each in each box) for under $7. They are freshly baked at your local Sam’s Club.

I took a taste of my two favorite flavors: Almond Lemon Poppyseed and Corn Muffin. WOW!!!! Delicious. I jokingly said, as I took a bite of one of the tastes, “I’ll bet these have about 1000 calories each.” The woman serving them said something like, “it is what it is.” (Interesting response.)

I checked out the box of those two and I wasn’t off by much. Their calorie count was over 600 for each muffin. OH MY!!!!! No wonder they were so good.

Thus the struggle began. I looked around to see if I saw anyone I knew. WHY do I think if no one sees me buy this stuff, it’s okay to buy it??? Believe me, I carry it around with me and show it off once I buy it and consume it…………..

I saw my WW buddy a few aisles over. Oh bummer, she’s still here.

I “drove” around that area probably three times before I finally did the right thing and left the area completely. I wasn’t about to let my WW buddy see me buy those muffins.

Peer pressure………………..still alive and active……………………can be a good thing!!!

Experience is a hard teacher!!!

I just saw this statement posted by one of my heroes on the WW message board: wannaliveforhim!!!

Experience is a hard teacher, for she gives the test FIRST, and the lessons afterward.

So how many times do I have to have the test before I will learn the lesson?? Apparently at least one more time. UUUGGGHHHH!!!

But, am I tired enough to make the choices I need to make in order to change things??? In my heart and with my voice I say YES!!!! But, with my actions, I say, NO.

Okkkkkkkk..........here we are AGAIN!!!!

Well, well, well............here we are.

It is March 27th and my annual March meetings are behind me. Lots and lots of hours have been spent at the office the past 4-5 weeks and our meetings were this past weekend. I have had two days off to get some much needed rest and refocus.

So, what now?

Do I continue down this path of gaining weight or do I get myself back on track and do what it takes to get myself in better shape?

The answer is simple.................it's the working out of that answer that's the difficult part.

NO, I do not continue down this path of gaining weight. I am not happy where I have gotten again. Walking is very difficult again and standing for any length of time is next to impossible. Yet again, I can no longer shop in stores where there are no electric scooters. I wasn't able to do much shopping without those electric scooters, but I was able to do some and it was really freeing. But, I'm back to scooter only shopping.

YES, I do whatever it takes to get myself in better shape and take back my life that I was beginning to enjoy again.

Reality is that I have regained most of the weight that I had lost. I haven’t been to class since mid-February. Only a couple of those weeks did I have good reasons for not going. At last weigh-in, I was less than 25 pounds from gaining it all back. I’ve been eating way too much chocolate, fried chicken, fried chicken sandwiches, French fries, and ice cream these past 3-4 weeks. It will not be pretty on Saturday.

I have a doctor’s appointment this week. I pray that I won’t have to go back on BP meds. I also pray that I won’t be officially diagnosed diabetic.

WHY do I do this to myself? WHY????????

Why do I make the choices that I make knowing the results that I will get? I was feeling so wonderful. I was feeling so free. I was feeling involved in life again.

So, what happened that reversed that journey and spiraled out of control to cause me to be where I am today?

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you because I don’t understand it myself. My routine changed and I didn’t handle it well. So, what else is new?

Routines change. Life happens. I must learn not to let changing routines and life happening around me to derail me.

I must take responsibility for my own actions regardless of changing routines and life happenings. I cannot, simply cannot, allow things around me to derail me, to cause me to lose my focus.

So, here I go…………….beginning again. I can do this!!! I can make choices that will lead to a lighter tomorrow. I can make choices that will lead to a healthier tomorrow. I can make choices that will lead to better mobility.

I can do this thing!!!! I can put behind me what has happened. Today is a new day. Today I begin again!! I will choose to leave my past failure behind me and move on.

Well, well, well………….imagine THAT??!!!!

The better choices that I have decided to make during 2012 are definitely bringing about better moments on the scales each week.

Soooooo, goodbye 2011!!
Hellooooooooooooo 2012!!!!!

I have been making much better food choices these past several weeks. This is good news.

I have been to the Y for water aerobics 2 or 3 times each week so far in 2012. This is good news.

I have had losses the last two weeks on the scales. This is good news.

I like good news!!!!!

I saw this statement today on a friend’s Facebook status update: Temptation is both external opportunity and internal desire.

Temptation is definitely an internal desire for something that most of the time is not the most beneficial thing for me to do. Sometimes that temptation comes in the form of food, sometimes purchases of another pocketbook or tote bag.

Temptation is definitely an external opportunity to make a wise or healthy choice. If the temptation is food related, then I have the opportunity to make a healthy choice. Sometimes that mean avoiding the temptation completely; sometimes it means making a healthy choice verses a non-healthy choice.

An update on my struggle with milkshakes. I have had some success in making good choices these last several weeks where milkshakes are concerned. This is very good news!!!

I have been asking the Lord to “blind” me to my favorite drive-thru places to get milkshakes and that has been working. If I forget to pray and see one of those places, I tell myself that I will get one “next time” I pass by, but not today.

Those two choices have enabled me to avoid the pitfall of the “shakes.” This is a good thing.

I am determined to make better choices daily so that with each passing day, I will be one step closer to a healthier more active life.
THIS is good news!!!



It feels good to be getting back on track!!!

2012..........what's next???

Well..............I’ve written my first blog of 2012 about three dozen times, yet I’ve not posted it the first time. Problem is that I’ve written it only in my head. Oh, I’ve thought about posting it……….but, you know what?

I’m tired of feeling that I come here only to declare that I’m starting over. Well, today, I truly WANT to never declare again that I’m starting over.

Therefore, the only way to do that is to stop quitting.

Have I truly quit? Well……..

I do not:
weigh 408 pounds again.
drive through fast food places for my daily meals.
get milkshakes and French fries on my way home from work every day.
intend on giving up.

I am still:
going to my weekly WW classes and facing the scales.
convinced that I will “do this thing.”
convinced that “this” can be done.
choosing to BELIEVE.

During 2009, I joined the YMCA and began exercising in the swimming pool by taking water aerobic classes and spending time on my own swimming, walking, and repeating the class moves. Then in December, I joined WW and hired a personal trainer to work with me one-on-one in the swimming pool.

During 2010, I was in the groove with cooking and exercise. I was not losing as fast as I would have liked, but I was losing fairly consistently. And, I was gaining strength. I could tell that my knees were becoming stronger. I could tell that my muscles were tightening up. I lost almost 70 pounds AND gained some mobility.

During late 2010 and early 2011, several things changed in my routine. My cooking and exercise waned and took a back seat to other things. Bad choice!!! And due to these bad choices, I have regained most of what I had lost.

At my last weigh-in, I was still 25 pounds less that my starting weight. I have not been in several weeks due to WW being closed for Christmas and New Year’s AND then, I was sick yesterday. So, I do not know where I am since before Christmas and I do know that I did not always make wise choices over Christmas holidays.

But………

I can keep wallowing in what was or I can step up to the plate and make choices today that will lead to a better tomorrow.

Yet again, I have a choice to make.

The choice I make at any given moment in my life shapes what happens in the next moment of my life.

So, this year--2012--I am going to choose to put one foot in front of the other and move forward down the weight scales and up the mobility scale. I am choosing to talk more to myself about how I will continue to make healthy choices regarding eating and exercise. I am choosing to talk less to myself about how I've messed up this past year.

Therefore, I will choose to put the mighty power of choice into effect and make a better choice to bring about a better next moment. Then, step back and watch each of those moments lead to better moments.

2012, what's next?? Better choices!!!