Weight Watchers, Crossroads, & LIFE

I will always be a avid supporter of the Weight Watchers program as I truly believe it is one of the best organized plans to not only enable  one to lose weight, but give that person the tools to keep the weight off.

If you work the program, the program works.......always and forever!!

I am finding myself, yet again, at a crossroads.  A decision must be made.

I have said that I will not give up until I reach goal. I keep saying that I have not given up.  That I have not quit.  Yet.............my actions and weekly weigh-ins don't "say" the same thing.


Being fat is not easy.  This is a fact.

My co-morbid obese life is hard physically because I can't walk and or stand for any length of time without excruciating, tear causing, pain.  Yes, I have walked to my van many times with literal tears rolling down my cheeks from the pain.

My co-morbid obese life is hard emotionally because I can't do things that I would love to do.  I hear friends planning fun stuff to do and know that I can't include myself and it makes me sad.....and lonely.

Losing weight is not easy.  This, too, is a fact.

I have been on this journey since December 2009.  Except for several weeks the first of 2011, I have only missed classed when I was out-of-town or sick. Yet, my total lost as of yesterday is 30 pounds.

Statistically that's not good, not good at all.

I did pretty good my first year and lost 69.2 pounds..............then several big things changed in my life and I allowed those changes to side-track, actually derail me. Consequently, I gained back all except 15.2 of those pounds as of April of 2012. Since April, I have stopped the weekly gains and am now back up to 30 pounds lost from my original weight in December 2009.

Over the last six months, there are more blue numbers (losses) than red numbers (gains) on my weight loss chart.

What do I need to do to start having mostly blue numbers?

The answer is easy............easy on paper, that is. I need to plan and prepare. I need to plan my meals and cook ahead so that I have weight loss friendly meals prepared for lunch and those evenings when I get home late.

But even that doesn't always work.

Specifically, yesterday, I was coming home from a visit to Mom's and I got to thinking about pumpkin spice donuts from Krispy Kreme. So, I drove probably about 10 miles out of the way to go by Krispy Kreme.

Oh, I had the daily and weekly PPVs available for a donut, even two.  But, problem is, I didn't buy just two. I bought more than that determined to enjoy them through the coming week.

I should know by now that I cannot trust myself and that plan, so far, never works.

I went to bed last night feeling absolutely sick and totally disgusted with myself.

It won't do any good to beat myself up about it today. What's done, is done. Can't change yesterday.....but I can change tomorrow.

If I don't get serious about changing my eating and activity habits, at my next doctor's visit I will probably be put on meds for diabetes.  My numbers had been right on the border for a while, then I lost the 69.2 pounds and they looked better. With the regain, my numbers are back on that border again.

I don't want to be on meds for diabetes.........yet, my actions do give that impression.

So, I have a choice to make. This is not just so that I will look better, or walk better, or stand longer, or go places with friends......this is for my health.

Okay, Cynthia, what's your choice? Where will you choose to go from here?