The End....actually, make that ------------------------- THE DASH!!

Two Thousand and Ten.

It has been a good year.

I cannot honestly say that I kept the resolutions that I made on January 1, 2010. I didn’t make any for 2010. It’s been several years since I’ve made new year’s resolutions. I quit making them because I wasn’t keeping them.

2010?

So how was it?

Actually, it was a good year! Here are the highlights:
~Removed 67 pounds from my body.
~Only missed Saturday morning WW class when out of town for work.
~Continue to be faithful to water aerobics classes and working with a personal trainer.
~Did a 5K on the recumbent bike.
~Rarely experience knee pain while walking now.
~Off of blood pressure medication.
~Had to adjust the seat and steering wheel in my van.
~Can shop in stores that do not have electric scooters. (Good news for my health; bad news for the checking account.)
~Don’t avoid going places I haven’t been before for fear of steps/seats/facilities/etc.
~Stopped using walking stick, except on very rare and unusual situations.
~Make much better food choices, including often choosing not to eat sugar-filled, highly processed items.
~Smaller clothes……even able to wear some from regular people stores.

2010.

The end.

That’s the title I started this entry with, but the more I thought about it, I’m not ending anything I started during 2010. So, I’m thinking that THE DASH is a better title for this entry.

So, what’s next?

I’m gonna DASH into 2011 ----------

2011, here I come!

Yep, that’s my choice. I like that choice!!

Here's the deal.................so, WHAT'S the deal????

Okay, I’m having to face a hard reality today brought about by a couple of things going on in my life right now.

Yesterday, my van left me stranded in the parking lot at Stein Mart around 4:30 PM. Yikes, Friday afternoon, 4:30 PM, van won’t crank. Oh my!!! Long story short (and YES, I can shorten a story. LOL!!)……I got home around 7 PM with a brand new battery in my van. All is well. I was surprised by this turn of events, but my Heavenly Father was NOT surprised by this at all. In fact, He had started putting in place things as long as a year ago so that I would have what I needed to get through this situation unscathed.

Here's my deal: I continue daily to reap the benefits of my work and efforts to lose weight and regain my health and mobility over this past year. So, why am I struggling with my determination, motivation and commitment to my journey these past few months?

Here’s His deal:
• Over a year ago, I put in my van the small yellow pages book that I got in the mail. This was needed to look up phone numbers to call for help.
• One year ago, today, I joined Weight Watchers and hired a personal trainer and got serious about getting healthy and in shape. This is important because while I was waiting on the tow truck, I had to go to the bathroom. Because I was meeting someone in the parking lot to get some things I had ordered, I was parked at the entrance of the lot so she could spot me easily when she arrived. This meant a lengthy walk to the store and then the restrooms were in the back of the store. I made it and could actually still breathe when I got back to my van.
• Because the day was “casual dress day” at the office, I had on sweat pants and a tee shirt under my sweat shirt, so I was not freezing while I waited. It has been really cold here the last few days!!
• As I said, I was meeting a friend to get something from her. I had suggested we meet at a small church parking lot closer to where she was going to be. She insisted she meet me in the Stein Mart parking lot even though it was 5-6 miles out of her way. God knew I needed to be near a restroom since I’d be there a while.

So, WHAT’S the deal???? Why am I struggling so with my weight loss journey right now? Why am I walking on both sides of the line?

Today, as I have mulled over and over and over this question, I have faced some hard realities as well as some wonderful realities of my life this year versus this same time last year.
• Losing weight is hard.
• Being able to walk is wonderful.
• I’m tired of cooking.
• Being able to get in smaller clothes is wonderful.
• I’m tired of grocery shopping.
• Not feeling bloated from fast-foods is wonderful.
• I’m tired of tracking my food.
• Being off my BP meds is wonderful.
• I’m tired of figuring the points of foods.
• Walking without pain is wonderful.
• I’m tired of washing my bathing suit and towel so often each week.
• Being in the swimming pool is wonderful.
• Losing weight is hard.
• Being fat is hard.

I have a choice. I have a daily, actually moment-by-moment, choice to make. I can choose to do nothing and begin the process of gaining. I can choose to do something and begin the process of losing. It is my choice.

Hmmmmmmmmm. Interesting reality.

Do nothing = gaining.

Do something = losing.

The result of those choices seems somewhat backwards. But, I assure you, in this situation, it is not.

So, what will my choice be? The day has come when I realize that the choice of doing nothing is harder than the choice of doing something. Therefore, I am choosing to do something. I will continue the fight that I began one year ago today.............I will continue to regain my health and my life!! That's MY choice!!!!!

Oh, and once the tow truck got to me and jumped my battery and I was driving to the auto repair shop, here is what God gave me to remind me that He is worthy of so much more than I can ever begin to give Him.

On the road again and again...........

Oh my, what a week!! I realized late last night that I had not updated you on my Thanksgiving choices. My Thanksgiving celebrations with family and friends kept me on the road more days that I had originally planned. However, it was all a good thing. I ended up taking a couple of road trips that I didn’t know about until the day before them. Fun time and sweet memories!!

A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I saw this thought posted on the WW message board: Thanksgiving is just another day. I will be surrounded by food and I will have choices to make, just like any other day. Whether or not I make good choices is completely up to me, just like any other day. Journaling my choices on/over Thanksgiving is up to me, just like any other day. The choice is, after all, completely mine.

I definitely celebrated Thanksgiving and made good choices. I squeezed off 2.4 pounds during all those celebrations!! So pleased and excited…….and VERY thankful!!! I am 69.2 pounds lighter than I was this time last year.

Things that I did Thanksgiving 2010 that I could or would NOT have done Thanksgiving 2009:
•Walked totally without my walking stick everywhere I went.
•Was on the road Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday visiting with family and friends. Back at home each night and up and out headed in a different direction the next day.
•Shopped at stores that did not have the electric scooters on Black Friday.
•Ate good, healthy choices and left second and third helpings on the table.
•Chose carefully the one dessert or taste of dessert that I wanted three of the five days.
•Tracked every bite.
•Spent three mornings in the pool.

Then went to a different Weight Watchers meeting on Monday evening to get the new program. I did NOT want to wait until today and hear the details of the new program. I couldn’t officially weigh today at my regular class since I’d already weighed once during this WW week. So, no report from the scales this week.

I am loving the new program. I’ll admit that it has been hard to wipe all the old facts and figures out of my brain this week. But, I believe that it will be well worth the effort. I’m excited!!

As I am closing in on my one year anniversary as a Weight Watcher member, I am very excited about my second year on program. I believe the new program will bring about great progress in my journey down the scales. I believe the new program will bring about more strides toward improving my health. I believe that my improved mobility and health over this past year will bring about a new level of exercise and I will not be limited to the pool for exercise.

The choice is mine and I am choosing to be excited and proud of my accomplishments this past year. I am choosing to continue down this beautiful road on my journey down the scales toward better health and mobility. To be perfectly honest, I LIKE that choice. I LIKE the “new and improved” Cynthia!!

ROAD TRIP!!! Well, not really a road trip...........more like a reality trip!

I called a WW buddy of mine and told her about my idea of taking pictures of me holding bags of dog food or something similar that equaled the amount of pounds that I have squeezed off my body this year. Invited her to join me in this "road trip."

So, we met today for lunch AFTER I spent a couple of hours in the pool doing two water aerobics classes. We had a very point-friendly lunch at Cracker Barrel and did a wee bit of Christmas shopping, then headed over to Sam's to take the pictures.

Oh what fun it was!!!!! As you can see, we found bright and colorful bags of cat food. Each bag weighs 21.6 pounds. I could only hold two of them, so a third was on the cart beside me. Total weight of the bags in my arms equals 43.2 lbs. Total weight of the three bags is 64.8 lbs. As of last Saturday, I have removed 66.8 lbs from my body.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! Those things were heavy and as I stood there holding them while waiting on the camera to recover between pictures, I thought about my legs/knees having to haul those pounds around this time last year.
Friends, what a reality check that "road trip" was. There is no way that I could have walked holding those two bags, much less three of them. No wonder I was struggling so this time last year.

I plan on keeping this image and the way I felt holding those bags today in my heart and mind as I encounter all of the Thanksgiving treats over these next several days with family and friends.

We also took a picture of the two of us with seven bags of cat food. But, I didn't think to ask permission to post that picture with my friend in it. I am so proud of my friend. I met her at my WW class. She joined a month after me and has lost right at 85 pounds. She ROCKS!!!!!!

During this week of Thanksgiving, I keep thinking how thankful for the choices that I have made these last 11 months that have resulted in my improved mobility and health. Those choices have not always been easy, but how thankful and grateful that I have made choices resulting in not carrying around those extra 66.8 pounds on my body today!! Forward and downward through the upcoming Thanksgiving celebrations with family and friends!!!

Thank You Father, for sustaining my life through all the weight I have put on it. Thank You, especially for filling me with motivation and determination throughout this past year to work to regain my mobility and health. Thank You, Father. Amen!!

Fast forward to Sunday, November 28th...............

Sunday, November 21st, as I was preparing my breakfast this morning (WW cream cheese with Truvia, almond flavoring and vanilla, butter, nut flavoring added on top of Thomas bagel thin, LF chocolate milk), I thought of next Sunday and me sitting here preparing the same breakfast to enjoy. I thought about how I will look back and feel about the Thanksgiving celebrations with family and friends.

On Sunday, November 28th, will I be stuffed and yucky feeling because I didn't want to feel left out or deprived, so I ate unending servings of the special Thanksgiving foods?

Or………..

On Sunday, November 28th, will I be lighter on my feet and feeling great because I decided that no food could taste better than the reality of my great "weight loss, get healthy" accomplishments this past year?

Then, it hit me.......yet again………..

How many times have I eaten something because not eating it would have left me feeling deprived and/or left out? Yet………………the very things that I enjoyed time and time again in order to feel included have left me deprived of life and very much left out of participating in life.

So, my thoughts of enjoying this or that “special” Thanksgiving food over the gatherings with family and friends MUST be wrapped in my reality of how different my life is this November as compared to last November. I have a freedom this November that I didn’t have last November. I have worked hard this past year and have improved my health and mobility tremendously.

Dear friends, if you are following my blog as a fellow journeyer on your way to a healthier lifestyle, I encourage you think along with me toward next Sunday, November 28th. What/how do you want to feel as you are preparing breakfast on Sunday, November 28th? Is eating turkey and dressing AND pumpkin pie or ______________________ (fill in the blank with your favorite Thanksgiving foods) until you can’t move is as rewarding as improving your health and gaining better mobility?

Which feeling lasts longer?
1. Satisfaction from eating a favorite food.
2. Satisfaction from being off blood pressure meds, walking without my stick, shopping at stores that don’t have electric scooters, feeling more comfortable at other people’s houses and the list goes on and on.

Or picture it this way: (heehee, pun intended)

Well DUH!!!!! Doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to figure that one out!!!

I choose option number 2. Without question, option number 2 provides long-term satisfaction. Option number 1 only provides temporary satisfaction.

Okay……..there it is.

The choice is mine and today I am choosing to predetermine my choices for the coming week. I am choosing better health and improved mobility over unending servings of turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. Yes, I will enjoy turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. Just not the unending servings that I have “enjoyed” in the past. I am choosing long-term satisfaction from better health and mobility rather than temporal satisfaction from the food.

I am thankful that the choice is mine. Yes, the choice IS mine and I am not going to deprive myself of the better choice!!!

"I just wanted to make sure you're having fun."

That's what my 90 year old Mom said to me today.

Pretty much my schedule every other Saturday is like this:
7:30-7:45 AM - Alarm goes off.
8:15-8:30 AM - Head out to WW class.
9:00 AM - Get breakfast at Chick-fil-A.
9:15 AM - Weigh in.
10:00 AM - WW class.
10:45 AM - Call Mom and tell her "I'm heading over to visit so have them bring your lunch to your room."

Today, the phone barely rang once before she answered it.

"Wow, Mom, you must have been holding the phone."

"I was. I was waiting for you to call and say you are heading over."

We chatted briefly. I hung up and thought, cool......today we're gonna have a good visit. You see, some days her mind is good and clear and other days it isn't so clear.

Well, when I got there at noon, they were just getting her out of bed. She didn't look like she felt good at all and said that she didn't feel good. Oh well, so much for a good visit. I was sad.

No. Wait...........

After about 20 minutes and eating her lunch, she began perking up.

Football. I LOVE football. Especially when my team is playing and when they are playing GOOD!!!! That was the case today. We had a great win last week and anticipated an easy win over the team we were playing today.

Mom asked me all sorts of questions about the game. Why are they waving all those white flags? What is that black line for? Why is that line yellow???

I got tickled at one point when she said, "they don't mind piling on top of each other, do they?"

Later she said, "They sure didn't want that player to run, did they?"

How cute is that???

Several times, I realized she was just watching me. I asked her in a teasing way............."You looking at me???? Why you keep looking at me????"

She said, "I just want to make sure you're having fun."

Fighting back the tears, I said, "I am, Mom. I'm here with my favorite Mom, watching my favorite team play football and they are winning. I am having fun, Mom. Are you?"

She said, "Yep. It is always fun when you are with me."

"Awww....thanks, Mom." (sniff, sniff)

Her mind was clear today. She asked me if I had heard the Forrest Gump joke that my brother-in-law told her. I knew that I probably had, but told her no because I had definitely not heard it from him. She told me the complete joke. I was impressed that she remembered it from a week ago. I couldn't even remember the third question and the main punch line in the joke two hours later when I was telling my sister about it.

We had a good visit!

She also asked me today how much weight I had lost. It's been a while since she's asked me that question. I've told her the last several months about my weight loss journey and even then, she didn't say too much about it.

But today, her mind was clear and she was very excited about my weight loss this week and about my total.

I was looking through some of her stuff before I left and came across her two Weight Watcher pins. Back when she got to goal, WW gave a pin with their logo on it that symbolized 10 pounds lost and then a diamond chip for each additional 10 pounds. She told me to take them if I wanted them. I did.

When I get to 70 pounds squeezed off, I'll proudly wear the first one. Then when I get to 80 pounds squeezed off, I'll proudly wear the other one.

I like the choices I made that resulted in my 5.6 pound squeeze and I like the choice of getting to visit with my Mom at least every other Saturday.

"Yes, I had fun today. I love you Mom. I'll see you Thursday."

‘Twas the Night Before Weigh-In...............The Choice is Still Mine!

By: Cynthia Oxford, 11/2010
‘Twas the night before weigh-in, when all thru my mind,
Why, oh why do the scales hold and bind?
My mood, my motivation, my determination and my joy
Week after week, tend to be their main toy.

I’ve done what I could this week,
I stayed strong and did not freak!
No potato chips, no cake, not even ice cream I’ve enjoyed,
There were days I wanted all, but resistance I employed!

YES! I resisted the temptations! I kept a strong head!
I will not fret over tomorrow’s weigh-in results, I’ll climb into bed.
Then into my mind, these thoughts come with a roar
I repeated again and again all my great accomplishments galore!

I will work hard through my mind’s mire and muck!
I will NOT be discouraged, though the scales seem stuck
I quieted my thoughts and snuggled down to sleep,
And forced my mind to think of anything but sweets.


My mood on the brink of the report of the scales,
Gives thoughts of rejoicing or weeping the details.
Did I lose, did I gain,
did I at least maintain?

I’ve eaten well and exercised, even if the scales don’t downward budge.
I’ve had a good week, the scales are not my judge!
Why oh why do weigh-in results hold such power;
Over my mood, over my week, I will not resort to cower!

My victories are great, I begin to repeat--
No more BP meds, no more walking stick, moved up the car seat,
Smaller sizes in pants, shirts, swimsuits and more
Won’t give those details, don’t want to be a bore.

I love the night before weigh-in, as I think back over my week;
I’ve fought a good fight, my POINTS® were kept meek.
Again, I repeat, THE SCALES ARE NOT MY JUDGE!!
As I face a new week, and with my POINTS® will not fudge!

Those who know me best, have verified
My life has changed. That fact cannot be denied.
From inactivity and fast food, I’m completely refraining;
Healthy eating and exercising choices I’m sustaining;
As the weeks are passing, my life I am regaining.

So on the nights before weigh-in, as off to sleep I drift;
I think of Weight Watchers® and my new life as a gift.
Dear friend, don’t give up, don’t ever back down;
The choice, after all, is ours and a healthy life is the crown.

Consider two persons, two choices, ONE life, no regrets!!!

Back in January 2009, two persons joined the YMCA, one of them was me. Well, probably more than two people joined in January of 2009, but my story focuses on just two and, more specifically, ONE of them that joined that January.

Two persons walked into the YMCA and checked it out and decided to join.

Two persons started going 2-3 times a week, sometimes more; but, for sure attended the evening water aerobics class that was offered once per week. One person lost around 15 pounds during the first few months of working out in the water and was really loving the fact that while she was in the water, pretty much nothing hurt. And, she was moving better on land as well.

As the calendar months passed by during 2009, commitments dwindled and pretty soon, two choices were obvious and one had to be made.

One person, made one choice: to stick it out and do this thing. That person, was me.

Once the choice was made to “stick it out and do this thing,” I had to make other choices about how to get the journey toward better health in “high geer.” Weighing in at over 400 pounds, I needed more than activity to gain better health.

During the fall of 2009, we had a substitute instructor come and teach our water aerobics class. For the next three days after that class, I felt a distinct decrease in my level of pain while walking. So, after checking out my options, I decided to hire her to work one-on-one with me.

Two more choices were made: Join Weight Watchers and begin working with personal trainer. So, December 12, 2009, almost 11 months after joining the YMCA, I moved my journey toward better health up to a new level.

Now, 46 weeks after making those two choices, I have enjoyed some great changes in my life. These are not listed in order of occurrence.

1. Off BP meds.
2. Down several sizes in bathing suit, tops, and pants.
3. Lost nearly 30 inches from around my body as of August.
4. Little pain while walking, once my knees are stretched out.
5. Numbers are down on the threat of diabetes.
6. Cholesterol numbers are down.
7. Have shopped in a non-scooter store.
8. Am walking without my walking stick all the time except when going in and out of the pool at the Y.
9. Went to the Fair, used my rollator, but went and walked around for over an hour.
10. Have had to adjust the steering wheel and seat in my van. I no longer have the seat back as far as it will go or the steering wheel as high as it will go.
11. Have gone to the Y almost every week during 2010 for at least 2-3 times, staying active in the pool for over 2 hours most visits.
12. Loving water aerobics and don’t miss classes if possible.
13. Only miss my Saturday morning WW class when I’m out of town with work.
14. Tried Zumba and plan to return again to see if my legs respond the same way. But definitely will return when I’ve gotten down to 300.
15. Am willing to go places I haven’t been before and don’t know the exact layout/steps/etc.
16. Smile a lot more.
17. Have squeezed off 66+ pounds.
18. Did a 5K on recumbent bike.

Two persons. One chose to stick it out. One is regaining life. One has no regrets.

As 2010 quickly draws to a close, what choices have you made this year to stick it out, regain life, and have no regrets?

Oh noooooooooo, NOT again.......

Well, for two straight weeks, I squeezed out a total of 8 lbs!!!

WoooooHooooooooooo!!!!!!

But alas, as appears to be typical for my body this time around on Weight Watchers, I found 2.6 of them again this week. Sooooooo frustrating!!!

Oh noooooooooo, NOT again.......

I keep telling myself that it is okay to experience these unexplainable gains, because this new way of life, this journey to taking back my life and health is for LIFE and nothing will change once I reach goal. But, still.............I'm so ready for those scales to start going down, down, down consistently.

I had a little talk with my body this week prior to weigh-in (WI) and told it that I would appreciate a negative number. It didn't have to be a big negative, even .2 negative would have been appreciated. Well, apparently, my body doesn't have ears. So sad!!

On the evening before my WI, I journaled my thoughts to "document" my accomplishments this past week, just to remind myself of how far I have come. Those non-scale victories (NSVs) are so important. Yet, when frustration from the scales set in, sometimes those NSVs are easily forgotten.

So, before my WI this week, I decided to write out my thoughts:

Have I told you lately how wonderful it feels to be able to move and walk and do stuff that I haven’t enjoyed doing in a very long time?

I have had such a fun last few days of spending the mornings in the pool and then the afternoons doing stuff that I haven’t been able to do in a LONG time. It has been years since I went to the State Fair. Granted, I didn’t stay long (well, actually walking around an hour and a half is pretty long for me) and I used my rollator so that I could walk a wee bit easier and would have a place to sit and rest if needed. Still, I did it. Last year, not only did I not even try it………I could not fit on the rollator seat. Granted, this year, I had to squeeze in and out of it, but I was able to squeeze in and out. And, after all, squeezing is a GOOD thing. LOL!! I’m glad I didn’t think about that as I was at the Fair squeezing in and out. I would have laughed so hard someone might would have called for them to haul me off to the funny farm.

And, this week I carried all of my scrapbooking materials in and out of my van to use when I got together with my crafty friends to do crafts together. I am scrapbooking my WW journey and have decided to start working on it now.

And speaking of fun…………………we’ve had some interesting new students in water aerobics class these last three days. I have laughed more during class than I’ve laughed in a long time. At first, I felt bad about laughing………then I remembered how much I laughed at myself when I first started. It is just sometimes too funny learning those new moves. I remember how much I laughed at myself the first time I was taught to do suntan/superman. (Click link if the link below doesn't work.) I about drowned because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut from laughing while learning THAT move. It is just sometimes toooooooo funny!!!!!


Oh my, it is soooooooooo good to be able to do stuff again. I had gotten way to comfortable watching from the sidelines life happening all around me. I am having so much fun joining back in life again. I can’t imagine how much different it will be this time NEXT year.

Soooooooooooooooo, back to my thoughts AFTER this week's WI.

Dear Scales, you may or may not acknowledge my hard work throughout the week. I promise you this, you will NOT win this battle. You will eventually have to give up those lower numbers. I have made the choice. I am going forward on my journey to health. I will not look back. I will not give in to the disappointment and frustration. I have made the decision and I am sticking with it. Dear Scales, hear me and hear me loudly, YOU WILL GO DOWN!!!!!
Yep, that IS my choice and I like it and I'm sticking to it!!!!!

I’m not losing anymore. So.........what AM I doing??

First things first, remember a couple of weeks ago, I decided to quit losing weight? Yep, after looking up the definition of lose/lost, I decided that this weight was NOT something that I was inadvertently misplacing. It is NOT something that I regret losing. It is NOT something that I suffer because I lost it.

Quite the opposite is true!! I am working very hard to lose it. I do NOT regret losing it. I am not suffering, I am benefitting from losing it.

Soooooooooo, I’m not losing anymore. Just what am I doing? Here are some of my choices:

Expel, kick out, throw out – force to leave or move out. Has potential.

Expel, rout, rout out – cause to flee. Flee? Flee pounds, FLEE!!!!

Eject – boot out, chuck out, eject, exclude, turf out, turn out. Interesting….

Eject – force out, squeeze out. SQUEEZE OUT??????

Squeeze out – make by laborious and precarious means.

Squeeze out – extract by squeezing or pressing.

Squeeze out – obtain with difficulty.

Squeeze out – form or shape by forcing.

Squeeze out – force out.

Well, hellooooooo. Is that why my trainer is always telling me to “squeeze” my glutes, “squeeze” my biceps/triceps/etc?? Squeezing out those lbs!!! That works!!

This journey has definitely been laborious. I have obtained these numbers with difficulty. And, I would definitely say that I’m trying to form and shape my body by forcing these pounds off my body!!!

I like that!! SQUEEZE OUT!!!!

That’s my choice. I’m going to choose to continue SQUEEZING OUT pounds from my body. No more losing for me. I do NOT intend on finding these pounds that I’ve lost. I intend on squeezing them out and never looking back!! Now, I like that choice!!

"Well shucks!!!! What made you not track??"

Those were the words that came back to me in a text message from my trainer after sending her this message:

Cynthia, 9:22 AM – Horrible week….NOT tracking is NOT a good plan. I don’t recommend "head" tracking….and, to think, I FELT thin last couple days. Gained 3.6! Soooooo angry at me!

Her response was, "Well, shucks!!!! What made you not track??"

Hmmmmmm...........gonna have to think on that one a bit. And, think, I did. All day long........

Tracking.....hmmmmmmmmm...............

What made me not track??

.......................................................made me????

What made me not track??

Okay, I have repeated the question to myself about 40,408 times during the day today. And, guess what? NOTHING comes to my mind that made me not track.

NOTHING.......................

I'd have to say, NOTHING made me not track.

UUuuggghhhhhhhhhhhhh............... I just choose not to track.......properly. That's pretty hard to admit. I tracked a some meals here and there throughout the week.

Okay, so why would I track some meals and not others??

This gets ugly at this point. And, is fairly easy to answer as I think back over my week. The meals that I choose not to track were meals that were "not WW pretty." There, I said it. I had gained the last couple of weeks, this week now makes three weeks of gaining........and as I look back over my tracker, or lack thereof this week, I see that I have gotten pretty off base with my eating. I have pushed the "point-envelope" too far too many times. I have gotten lazy with my meal planning. And, this week was the worse. The other two weeks, weren't so bad, but this week......well, let's just say this week is gone and that's a good thing!!!!

Why have I done this? I'm tired and weary of the battle. Am I ready to give up?? I say resoundingly, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

"NO, don't you stop!!!" Yep, that what I'm hearing in my head, loudly, I might add.

I am not ready to give up and I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!!! I WILL NOT STOP!!!!

Why?? Why is not stopping going to be my choice?? Because, it's the right choice. It is the only option that I have. Really. It is the only choice I have.

I am enjoying my "new" life too much. I am enjoying my water aerobics classes. I am enjoying not having to use my walking stick. I am enjoying being able to do a little bit of shopping in stores that do not have the electric scooters. I am enjoying NOT taking blood pressure meds. I am enjoying trying new things, like Zumba.

Soooooooooooo, what now??

Where do I go from here?

That's easy..............back to the basics!!

Back to weighing and measuring my food. Back to cooking and eating out of my own pots and pans. Back to tracking everything that enters my mouth. Back to making sure I get all of the GHGs every day!!!

I did it several weeks ago and removed almost 6 pounds that week. I can certainly do it again.

This is NOT rocket-science. This is basic stuff.

I can do this.

I've got this!!!!!

I know what to do............so, now I'm gonna make the choice to do it!! Yep, that my choice and I'm sticking to it!!!!!

After all, the choice IS mine!!! There is it..............a clean page.
But not tonight............tonight, that page won't be clean. And, that's MY CHOICE!!!

That's it........I done!!! I'm gonna quit losing!!!!!

It amazes me how quickly attitude can change. Yep, no warning, no planning, just THUG

………….attitude just hit rock bottom.

UUGGHHH!!!!

Welllllll, maybe there was some warning…………

I've been thinking lately about the words lose, lost………however you want to say it. I checked the definitions. Most of the definitions seemed to imply that the item that is lost, is something cherished, something you want to find, something that you regret losing.

Does that look like something you'd regret losing?

Does that look like something you'd want to find again?

Does that look like something to be cherished? I think not!!!


LOSE: verb

* To come to be without, through accident, theft, etc., so that there is little or no prospect of recovery.
* To fail inadvertently to retain (something) in such a way that it cannot be immediately recovered.
* To suffer the deprivation of.
* To be bereaved of by death.
* To fail to keep, preserve, or maintain.
* To give up; forfeit the possession of.

Well, there it is, right there in black and white.

All of those definitions imply that the thing lost is something treasured, something you regret losing, something you want to find.

So, I’m made up my mind. I’m gonna stop losing weight. Because I’ll tell you one thing for certain this weight is not treasured. This weight is not something that I would ever regret losing. This weight is not something that I want to find, ever again.

The definitions continue:

* To suffer loss.
* To suffer defeat or fail to win.
* To depreciate in effectiveness or in some other essential quality.

AND, the final unacceptable definition of this word:

* lose out, to suffer defeat or loss’ fail to obtain something desired.

That settles it. Completely and totally!!!!!

Hear me and hear me loudly: I’M GONNA QUIT LOSING!!!!!!

These 60+ pounds that are no longer on my body are not something that I have lost through accident or theft. I have not inadvertently failed to retain them. I am not bereaved that they are gone. They are not gone because I failed to preserve them.

I have worked STINKING HARD to get rid of them. I have not lost them, I have sweated them off. I know where every thinking one of them went. Some I sweated off in the swimming pool, some I sweated off on the recumbent bike, a few I sweated off walking, and many I flushed.

I am NOT suffering from the loss of them. I have not been
depreciated in effectiveness or in some other essential quality because of the loss of them. Quite the opposite is true, actually!!

Hear my words and hear them loudly………………

I AM GONNA QUIT LOSING THIS WEIGHT!!!!!

Since December 12, 2009, I have lost 80.4 pounds. Also, since December 12, 2009, I have found 18.2 of those pounds. That's the math.

I AM GONNA QUIT LOSING THIS WEIGHT!!!! Because, apparently, when I lose it, I think I need to find some of it again.

Yep, a new choice is in the making. I’m choosing to quit losing. I’m choosing to remove and dispose of these excess pounds from my body. I will NOT pursue finding any of them. I am not grieving that those 80.4 pounds are gone from my body. I am grieving that I found and put back on 18.2 of them.

I am choosing NOT to find any more. I am choosing to remove and dispose of more and more and more………….no looking back. Yep, that’s my choice and I’m sticking to it!!

So little time, but news too good not to take time to share......

By now, you might have heard me hollering "yippieeeeeeeeeeee, woooooo hoooooooooooooo!!!!!" clear across this city as I left my doctor's office last week. My goodness, where were all of my peeps when I needed to "shout through the cell phone lines" the good news!!!!!

Finally, found one dear soul home and available. Bless her heart, she got the full ear-full of my excitement.

As of last Thursday, I am officially off my blood pressure medication!!!!!!!! How exciting is that??!!!!!! Let me tell you......

VERY, VERY EXCITING!!!!

And, to think, last Thursday I did not have a clue how much more exciting it would get on Monday!

On Monday, I got home from work and grabbed my mail and sat it down beside me. Very thirsty, gotta drink some water before opening the mail. Both letters I got today were regarding health issues.

Opened the first letter. Uh ohhhhhhhhh, I hate it when they use my full name and middle initial after the word "dear." Excuse me, but people who call me "dear" don't typically use my full name.

Well, what they had to tell me was NOT very dear. At least, this same time last week it would not have been dear to me.

So, I begin reading...........

"Medications known as angiotensin II receptor blockers (ARBs) are used to treat various conditions, such as high blood pressure. Effective November 2, 2010, some ARBs will no longer be covered by your prescription drug benefit unless you obtain approval through a coverage review."

Huh??? I'm certainly glad they told me what those angiotensin II receptor blockers were used for. Didn't know I had "tensin" or "receptors" that needed blocking. But then, I'm not the doctor.

I digress. I continued reading................

"The ARBs that will continue to be covered are............................."

".............. Benicar HCT..................will no longer be covered. If you purchase any of these medications after November 2, 2010, you will be responsible for the entire cost."

Yikes, entire cost?? My cost for a 90-day supply was $90. What in the world might the entire cost be?

There it was, right there in that list. Benicar HCT.

Yep. That's it.

That's the one that I took.

TOOK!!!!! Did you hear that??

TOOK!!!!!!!

Thank You, Lord and thank you, Weight Watchers, and thank you, my dear trainer for pushing me longer and harder to exercise!!!! I don't take it anymore!!!!!!! As of last Thursday, October 16th, 8:45 AM..............I don't take it anymore!!!!!! NO MORE BP MEDS!!!!!!!!

I was thankful, thrilled and excited last Thursday. I am even more thankful, thrilled and excited this Monday.

So, my dear friends who are reading this, if you are taking steps to improve your health, don't quit!!!!! It is sooooooooooo worth it.

Choices, it's all about choices. Several months ago, I made the choice to make choices that would improve my health. Today, I am so excited about the choices I have been making and I am so ready to make more choices to continue this journey toward improved health. It is so worth it!!!

I am so worth it!!

Yep, I am so worth every one of those better choices that I am making.

READY, SET, GOOOOOOO.........

BRING IT ON!!!!! Bring on the week!!! My best Sunday afternoons are spent doing one of two things. Either one of these choices makes for a great Sunday afternoon: swimming or cooking.

When I spend my Sunday afternoons cooking, I am definitely better prepared for an "on program" week. It is much easier to stay within my POINTS® and get all of my good health guidelines in each day. But then, when I spend Sunday afternoons in the pool..........well, that's just relaxing and exhilarating and fun!! It's often a toss-up as to which I choose.

Well, yesterday, I choose to cook. You can see in the picture the results of my afternoon of cooking. I have four days worth of lunches packed and ready to pull out and drop in my lunch bag. That just leaves one day that I have to pull together during the week. I also boiled some eggs and prepackaged fruit for the week. I am ready, set, goooooooooooo for the week!! It feels good, it feels really good!

And, I already have everything but veggies ready to pull together for that final day. I'll roast some more veggies probably on Wednesday evening and then I'll have my final lunch for the week prepared. I have to admit that the roasted veggies are definitely better when they are eaten right after they are cooked. But, they are still good even when reheated in a microwave. If I'm at home when I reheat them, I put them in the toaster over and "toast" them. That makes them nice and crunchy again. But, you have to guard against burning them when reheating them in the toaster. YumYummy!!!

As I sat and looked at the efforts of my cooking and preparations, I thought about a missed opportunity. I should have bought stock in ZipLock baggies. I also should have bought stock in Captain D's. Both of these have been keys to my journey this time. I usually have at least two baggies every day in my lunch bag. And, if I don't have lunch to bring from home, there is a Captain D's within two miles of my office and I can choose very Weight Watchers® friendly at Captain D's. In fact, pretty much once I say the first thing at the drive-thru, they know who I am and know my order: broiled tilapia, double broccoli, no sauces. YumYUMMY!!!! (Note to self: Take picture of next Captain D's meal.)

It feels good, really good, to make the choice prepare for this journey. It also leaves little room for excuses for not staying on program through the week. And, I really like the choice of staying on program. I've gotta say it, "I like the choices I'm making these days!!!!!"

So, I have to ask: What choices have YOU made today to improve the quality of your life?

HUGE BODY.........small world

Little did I know years ago how my choices would shape my world today. I was hungry and discovered cakes, ice cream and french fries. I was lonely and discovered cakes, ice cream and french fries. I was tired and discovered cakes, ice cream and french fries. I was happy and discovered cakes, ice cream and french fries. I was sad and discovered cakes, ice cream and french fries. I was not even hungry and, yet, discovered cakes, ice cream and french fries.

Cakes, ice cream and french fries became my best friends. They became my most often chosen companions. I loved them and thought they loved me. After all, they made me feel better.

Or did they????

Did they really make me feel better? Well, I thought they did. But, alas, they did not. In fact, they robbed me of my life. The "gift" they gave me was a HUGE BODY..............................and

a small world......a very small world.

So, Cynthia, how's this small world working for you now? My world consisted of home, work, stores with those electric scooters, and a few other places where few steps, little walking, and safe chairs were found. HUGE BODY..............small world, and,

lonely world........................................................

I felt overwhelmed, defeated, discouraged, helpless, unloved, hopeless........all of the things that I am NOT because I am a child of God. His World tells me that I am an over-comer, I can be victorious, I am loved and I have help and hope. My reality was not reflecting His Truths.

So, what now? Do I continue to embrace my HUGE BODY and live in my small world.

Nope.......I was tired, lonely, discouraged, unhappy AND ready to make a few new choices.

New choices....................yep, ready to make some new choices. Decided on December 12, 2009 to make new food choices and new activity choices. Gonna start choosing foods that will allow me to shed this HUGE BODY. Gonna start choosing activities that will allow me to enlarge my small world.

Shed HUGE BODY...............enlarge small world. Yep, that's my choice.

Now.................when I am sad, I choose to eat healthy and do water aerobics. When I am lonely, I choose to eat healthy and do water aerobics. When I am discouraged, I choose to eat healthy and do water aerobics. When I am happy, I choose to eat healthy and do water aerobics. When I am tired, I choose to eat healthy and do water aerobics (well, I getting better at this one). When I am not even hungry, I choose to eat healthy and do water aerobics.

And, yes, those choices are leading me toward a smaller body and LARGER WORLD!!!

Yesterday, for the first time in a very, very, very long time, I choose to shop at a department store where there were no electric scooters. I shopped/browsed for over 45+ minutes. Yes, I found a chair and rested a couple of times...........but I did it!! I felt the freedom to be able to walk in that store and shop.

This is good!!! (........or, not??? At least for the checkbook. LOL!!!)

Today, my body is becoming smaller and my world is becoming huger. Today, I am feeling much less overwhelmed. Today, I am feeling empowered, encouraged, helped, loved, hopeful........all of the things that I am because I am a child of God. Today, my reality is better reflecting His Truths.

The choice is mine. And, hallelujah, I'm choosing to do what it takes to get a small body and HUGE WORLD!!! Now, I like those choices.............

Take THAT You Stalled-Out Scales!!

Yes. Yes, I did!!

I determined on Sunday, August 29 to eat ONLY my daily POINTS® for the week and to only eat out at two places where I could get items that were very easy to know the exact POINTS value.

You see, when I started my journey on December 12, 2009, I only ate my daily POINTS and ate out very sparingly. For the first 5 or so months, I only touched my weekly POINTS ever other week when I went to visit my Mom (My favorite BBQ restaurant--see picture--is located in the town where she lives. Now that's probably all my weekly POINTS and then some right there.) and, thus, pretty much never touched my activity POINTS. Well about mid-June that seemed to change. And once mid-July rolled around, I realized recently when looking back over my trackers, I had started eating most of my available POINTS each day/week.

What was happening on those scales each week? Well, on June 12th, I lost 6.6 pounds but between June 12th and August 28th, I only lost 4.4 pounds. A loss is a loss and I'm grateful for every ounce lost; however, I still have a long journey to be choosing to take the "scenic route" down the scale.

Something had to change.

Did I want to continue my "scenic route" down the scales? Was I happy with my progress? Was I willing to push the POINTS limit and take this journey nice and slow.

No, I was not.

So, I had a choice to make.

Thus, the choice to pull back the POINTS-reigns and eat only my dailies and limit the places and times each week when I eat out of other people's pots. You see, for me to have control over the goes into my mouth and to know for sure the POINTS value, I must choose control over the preparation of it. Simple as that. I must CHOOSE to take back the control of the pots I eat from.

And, change it did.

I made the choice.

So, the scales had to give it up and honor my hard work. I lost 5.8 pounds at weigh-in on September 4th.

Now, on to week two of holding on to the POINTS-reigns. Will I lose another 5+ pounds this week? Probably not. But, I will know that I did what I needed to do to move on down the scales.

Yes, I choose to remain diligent about my POINTS guarding and limiting the number of times I eat out of other people's pots. I choose close control again over my POINTS.

Was that cute or what????

I love my brother-in-law (BIL). I haven't always loved him. I loved him when he was dating my sister, but I didn't love him so much when he married her and I realized that I wasn't going on the honeymoon.

Excuse me..............what do you mean I can't go????? Don't you remember I'm the one who wrote you those other love letters included with the ones from my sister? I can't help it that you couldn't read my scribbles.

Don't you remember I'm the one you used to take on your dates? What do you mean I'm not going on the honeymoon???

Didn't you see me drop those pretty flowers on the floor for my sister to walk on just a little bit ago at church?? What do you mean I'm not going on the honeymoon????

Somebody must be confused. So, I proceeded to run around and around and around the dining room tables while crying, actually sobbing. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT GOING ON THE HONEYMOON?????

At this point, I probably should tell you that I am 15 years younger than my sister and I was only 5 years old when she got married. (The picture is of me sitting on my sister's lap and my brother.) So, now it's not so weird that I didn't understand why I wasn't going on the honeymoon.

Eventually I got over that traumatic turn of events that afternoon and I loved him again and have for many years.

I am so blessed to have them living in a town close by. Obviously, they know about my weight loss journey, but I haven't seen them since the middle of July. My sister had some out-patient surgery today so, I headed to the hospital this morning. My sister kept telling me not to come to the hospital, it was "no big deal." Well, I said I would be there but I would not "force" her to see me prior to surgery. I'd wait in the surgery waiting room with my BIL and see her post-op. Shortly after I got there, my sweet BIL said that he almost didn't recognize me as I stepped off the elevator. How sweet was that??

Take THAT, you stupid scales!!!!! His comment made me feel good even though the scales haven't been so encouraging lately. His comment confirmed that my body is changing shape even though the scales don't "feel" it. I'm okay with that...............well, sort of........I'm definitely ready for the scales to start "feeling" it again. I digress............

Back to my BIL story.......

Well after the surgery and we headed back to the room where my sister was, I walked into the room behind him. We greeted my sister and after a few moments she made the comment, "You've cut your hair. I love it."

My BIL immediately responded with, "Hair cut?? She's had a whole body cut!!"

Is that not precious!!! I chuckled and grinned from ear-to-ear. Body cut............how cute is that??!!!! I love my BIL.

Once again, I am very grateful for the CHOICES that I am making these days. The hair cut and "body cut" are both results of my good choices. I definitely would not have cut my hair this short 8 months ago and I definitely was no where near looking like I had had a "body cut" 8 months ago.

"She's had a whole body cut!" I like that comment. I like the choices I'm making!!

My goodness it's been quiet around here..........

Yep, been very quiet around here lately.

Been quiet in my weight loss journey as well!!

Yep, too quiet!!!

Seems the last couple of months, I can't do anything to get a decent weekly weigh-in number. Sorry, but a pound here and a half-pound there, just doesn't cut it at this point in my journey. For crying out loud, I still weigh over 350 pounds, I should be losing a bit fast than a high of 5 sticks of butter being my biggest WI loss over the past couple of months. I've got maintenance down pat.........but wait.......

WAIT,

STOP THE MADNESS..........................I'm NOT ready to maintain!!!!!

Sooooooooooo, time to get in recovery mode.........time to recover the weekly losses and time to toss off some habits that have gotten me on this slow journey to twoterville. For those of you who don't know where twoterville is.......it begins at 299 lbs and continues on to 200 lbs. Been in threebeville quite long enough. Very tired of the view from here. Ready to move on down, move on down the scales. ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥move on down, move on down the scales♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥!!!!!

So, what choices am I facing to get those scales moving down again? Recovering the downward spiral of the scales is very simple--it involves calories in versus calories out.

Calories innnnnnnn.....................

First of all, I think I'm gonna slow down on some of the calories in. I've gotten too much in the habit of eating all my daily points, all of my weekly points and many, if not all of my activity points earned. THIS MUST STOP!!! And it has stopped as of today!! My choice this week is to eat ONLY within my daily points!!

ONLY within my daily points!! And, what choices will I make with those daily points. Yes, as we talked about at my Weight Watchers® class yesterday, we can eat anything..............anything, as long as we plan for it. But, the question for me is: is "anything" beneficial for me at this point in my journey? No, not necessarily. I'm choosing this week to pull back the reigns on the "anything" points that aren't on my daily list of GHGs (good health guidelines). Gonna stick with ONLY items that will fit in one of those little check-off boxes. Sounds pretty radical, doesn't it!! Yep, it does...............but I'm gonna do it!

Gonna make better POINTS® choices. Fruits, veggies, lean proteins, whole grains, good oils, milk, water, water, water..................

Calories outtttttttt............................
Gonna have to step up the activity. Got a good "talking to" from my trainer this past week.

Cathy, "Whaatttt? You haven't been going downstairs at work daily and using those machines????"

Cynthia, "Ummmmmmmmm......."

Cathy, "Daily, downstairs, at least 30 minutes!!!!"

Cynthia, "But........"

Cathy, "NO EXCUSES!!!!"

When will I learn that I can't "win" with her. (Actually, bottom line is that I DO win. I DO win when I follow her instructions and directives for me.)

Oh, how can you help, you ask? Well, THANKS for asking!!! You can help by responding with positive words in the comments section................even if just to say "I'm here and I hear ya!" And, you can help by praying for me when the Lord brings me to your mind!

Finally.............That's my choice -- ONLY eating within my daily points -- and I'm sticking with it!!!!! I plan to say goodbye to 350 on my next weigh-in. My choices throughout this week must reflect that decision.

Stinking thinking.........

Been several days since I've blogged. I've had a rough last several weeks on the scales. Not really sure what is going on. I'm tracking everything and staying within my POINTS by using my daily points and weekly points. So, what's going on when I step on those scales??

I'll admit that I've had some stinking thinking (stuff like: give it up, this is too hard, this isn't working, why bother) going on since yesterday's weigh-in. I did pretty good keeping those stinking thoughts quiet until yesterday afternoon...........then, just kind of went downhill from there. However, all mixed in with the "stinking thinking" are the resounding words, "NO, DON'T YOU STOP!!!!" I can't honestly say that those four words are winning out, but they are there...........loudly there. And, that's a good thing.

Today has been a day of lazy POINTS. There really isn't anything in my house except POINT-friendly foods.......which is a good thing.

I've just spent the last few hours visiting websites of folks who have lost 100+ pounds. If any of you are reading this, please know how encouraging your stories and pictures are to me. I kept telling myself as I read your stories that if YOU can do this, then I can do this.

I also looked through my digital pictures folders. I found this picture of Niagara Falls that I took when I visited a friend in Canada in October 2001. I long to stand on that sidewalk beside that friend again and see those incredible Falls! I cannot do that again until I am in better physical shape.

Choice. What choice am I going to make today? The choice is mine. What will it be?

Am I willing to "give it up" and gain back what I've lost? No.

Am I going to believe that "this isn't working" when I've lost over 55 pounds and 27.5 inches over my body? No.

Am I going to continue to allow this "stinking thinking" to grow and fester in my mind? No.

Am I willing to give up my dream to return to Niagara Falls? No.

So, what's my choice? I really have only one choice -- to continue fighting the good fight to regain my life and health. So, the choice is made. Yesterday is over and today is what it is...........tomorrow is a new day. I'm choosing to continue the journey I have begun. The choice is completely mine.

WOW!! WOW!!! You look fabulous!!!

Tuesday night at McAlister’s Deli, I looked up and saw a person that I know through work leaving. I have not seen this person since way before I began my weight loss journey. I spoke and called her name. “Stacey!! What are you doing here?” She looked at me with that look of “I know I am suppose to know this person, but.........” It seemed to take her a few moments to place who I was. I wish I had a camera on her as she realized who I was. Priceless!! She did a literal “shake-head, double-take” look. Absolutely priceless……and very encouraging and exhilarating for me!!!

She stepped over to my table and kept saying, “WOW!! You look fabulous!! WOW!! You look beautiful!!” Then as only Stacey does, she started asking questions: “What have you done?” “Do you feel as wonderful as you look?” “WOW!!”

I told her that as far as I was concerned, I felt much better than I looked. I shared my story briefly with her—joined Y Jan 2009, lost little weight initially, weekly water aerobics, got out of habit during summer and early fall, different instructor came and subbed one Tuesday night in October, felt distinct improvement in knee pain for next three days, called Y and begged for another night water aerobics class with this particular trainer leading it, was told because of budget cutbacks adding another night class was not an option, checked into insurance covering personal trainer, inquired about personal trainer prices, joined WW and had first of eight lessons with trainer on December 12, 2009, realized end of January that I had to do whatever I needed to do to continue hiring my trainer to keep pushing me. As I talked, Stacey kept saying, “WOW!! You look fabulous!” Just as I was about to tell her how much I had lost, she said, “So, I have to ask…..how much have you lost?” I got tickled because I couldn’t tell her my story fast enough.

It was cute how she kept saying, “WOW!!” I thought about taking a picture of her and then of me and her, but I never did do it. I sure wish I had taken it. Her animated facial expressions were priceless. She gave me a “high five” as she left saying, “you have made my day.” I, likewise, said to her, “Girl, YOU have made my day!!!!

What a fun encounter!!!!!! Yes, a fun encounter that would not have happened had it not been for the choices I've been making these past seven months. Stacey's reaction was not my choice. However, my choices brought about Stacey's reaction. I like that my choices led to this fun encounter.